Hello, and welcome to my website. Here you can download free music, e-books, my comedy podcast and the 'positive thinking and the meaning of life' podcast. You can also buy books and music that aren't free or click on little pictures that take you to other bits of the internet. It's all jolly good fun. Anyway, relax and enjoy your shoes.

I was born. This was a mistake and I owe my entire existence on this planet to the fallibility of early 70s contraceptive devices. Still, at least they let me live and didn't throw me on the fire or wait for me to starve to death and then put me in a shoe box on top of the wardrobe. I was allowed to survive, and 42 glorious years later have evolved into the hyper-creative, scatter-brained fuck-up you would see before you if I were somehow able to teleport myself in front of you as you read this.

At 20 I was commissioned to write a TV script for Phil Cool - neither of us have worked in TV since. I have also written for Arts and Entertainment magazines, interviewing Eddie Izzard, Rob Newman and many others, performed stand-up comedy in London, Bristol and Cardiff, marked essays, written courses in Philosophy and Psychology, conducted a series of lectures entitled 'Practical Philosophy', sorted parcels, and sold watches in pubs. I have just published my 10th book. I also produce a lot of music, some comedy and a smattering of poetry. My future ambitions include doing the Wainright Coast to Coast walk, reading all the books I've bought and haven't had time to get around to, writing a string quartet, and curing humanity of all metaphysical delusions.

I have been writing comedy and fiction since 1988 and making music since 2004. My literary influences include H.G Wells, Douglas Adams, Dosdoevsky, Orwell, James Hebert and Dean Koontz. My comedic influences include Fry and Laurie, Absolutely, Reeves and Mortimer, Monty Python, Clement and LaFrenais, Galton and Simpson, Morecambe and Wise, Not The Nine O'Clock News, Radioactive, The Million Pound Radio Show, Chris Morris and the single shoes you find on top of bus shelters.

My musical influences range from Frank Zappa, Stockhausen, Kraftwerk and Delia Derbyshire through John Mclaughlin, Led Bib and Acoustic Ladyland to Living Colour, Nine Inch Nails, Rush, Apocalyptica, Black Sabbath and Pantera. Therefore I make an idiosynchratic mixture of heavy metal, jazz, industrial and ambient.

I make music with a simple setup: a PC and two laptops, electric guitar and bass, midi keyboard, LINE 6 audio interface and amp simulations, A.R.T. tube preamp, Shure microphone, ZOOM digital effects unit, Cakewalk software and the usual plethora of plugin synths and effects. As may be guessed from the above list of influences, my approach to making music is fairly eccentric. Most of my compositions are improvised and do not use any traditional chords or scales. This freeform approach makes the process much more enjoyable for me and hopefully also makes the end results more unique and interesting for the listener. I have a plethora of albums and books available on i-tunes